I wish I could say I knew who you were before you died
I wish I could say you were known for more than your death
I wish for a lot of things
I wish I could have known you, helped you, stepped in and stopped the brutality of your death
I wish someone else has stepped in, instead of watching and recording from the sideline
I wish for you to know my reaction

I heard your name in a video on Instagram from a transgender creator I like.
I learned about your death and I wanted to know more so I looked up your name
I watched how you drowned, in that awful video I couldn't stop myself from watching
I felt sick to my stomach
I wanted to vomit
I cried
I tried to keep scrolling Instagram
I cried again
I tried to listen to music
I tried to watch YouTube
I cried again
I went to go eat a sandwich
I felt sick to my stomach
I vomited in the toilet thinking about how you died
I sat down and wrote this

I wish you had gotten a life that would've been talked about for generations
I wish you hadn't died in such an awful way which will haunt my soul.
I don't wish to forget you
I wish to remember you forever, so a part of you can live on forever
I wish forever